You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
