grandma shit on top of the toilet
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
