Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
