dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
