i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
