my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
