I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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