woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
