MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
