This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
