Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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