someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
