I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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