remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
