you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I checked into jail on foursquare
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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