Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
