I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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