I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
