hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
