Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
