do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
