It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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