Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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