I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
