I just cut my nipple shaving
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
