It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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