FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
