I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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