Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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