Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
