I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
