My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
