i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
