I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
