i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Randomize
