he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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