What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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