And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
