sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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