if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
