Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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