Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
