Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
