yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
