I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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