you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
