don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
