fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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