I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
