No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
