you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
