I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
