Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
